Parenting Your Toddler, Child or Teenager

How to Handle the Behavior of a 3 Year Old

2009-09-30T16:48:00.001-07:00

Believe me, I understand the stresses of being a parent, and especially in dealing with toddlers, specifically the behavior of a 3 year old. I am a mom to 4 wonderful boys, but they sure could be a handful at times, especially when they were toddlers. The worst was dealing with them between the ages of 2 and 4 years old. Those were tough years and when my fourth son came around I was determined to experience this stage of his life differently.....I wanted it to be less frustrating for me, and a more peaceful experience for my family. After all, a disruptive, whiny child who does not do what we ask causes tension for the entire family unit and that is not good.

So if you are like me, facing a difficult child and wanting to know what you can do to make changes that will have a positive affect on their behavior, attitude and actions, keep reading. I know you love your child and want the best for them, now lets talk about what tools you need to be able to do this successfully.

How to Handle the Behavior of a 3 Year Old

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Parenting A Difficult Child - Children Who Talk Back

2009-07-16T14:12:00.000-07:00

So what is the best way to deal with children who talk back? Taking away privileges, treats or pocket money is not very effective with difficult or behavior defiant children. To them, winning the argument or battle is more important than avoiding punishment or loss of privileges. They simply want to engage you AND win. Therefore, they will be unrelenting in their whining or back talking.

So what is the most effective way of dealing with a difficult child when they are whining, arguing or talking back to you? I think putting them in a time out is the best way. When you do this, you immediately end the argument and give each of you time to cool down. This keeps you in control of the situation and shows them that “winning” is not an option. The debate will simply be over.

After the time out, do not return to the issue of the conflict, since mentioning it again will only reignite the argument. Move on to other things. If your child does bring it back up, stick to your guns and don’t debate it. As a parent, it is so important to choose your battles and stick to your decisions on important issues. If you feel yourself becoming angry or frustrated then use a time out to end the argument.

Dealing with a difficult or behavior defiant child is a tough job for any parent. Dealing with back talk is simply one of the many challenges, however, it is one you can overcome. The best thing you can do as a parent is to look for resources that will help you continue to develop your parenting skills. As you do this, you will grow in knowledge and be adequately equipped to handle all the phases of adolescence.

Stop Tantrums and Defiant Behavior From Your Child with the DREAM CHILD METHOD

2009-07-01T17:02:00.000-07:00

Are you the parent of a child who is out of control?
Do they yell, throw tantrums, defy everything you say, and act out?
Have you read tons of parenting books, listened to CD's and searched online for answers that just aren't helping? Are you looking for something that will make a change in your child's behavior, and in a relatively short amount of time? If so, you sound like ME! I have a very trying 4 year old and it seems that nothing I have tried has worked to change his naughty behavior.

The Dream Child Method is very cool! I am excited that this new product has come out. It focuses on the child's unconscious mind in a way that is very powerful. And the results that have been seen by others are astounding. The Dream Child Method is definitely something to investigate.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder in Children- What happens to them?

2009-06-19T16:56:00.000-07:00

Children who are diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) have 4 possible paths to take.

Some will grow out of it. Half of the preschoolers that are labeled ODD are normal by the age of 8. However, in older children, 75% will still fulfill the diagnostic criteria later in life.

It may turn into something else. 5-10 % of preschoolers with ODD have their diagnosis changed to ADHD. In some children, the defiant behavior gets worse and these children eventually are diagnosed with conduct disorder. This progression usually happens fairly early. If a child has ODD for 3-4 years and he hasn't developed Conduct Disorder, then they most likely will not develop it.

The child may continue to have ODD without any thing else. This is unusual. By the time preschoolers with ODD are 8 years old, only 5% have just this condition and nothing else.

The child develops other disorders. This is the most common outcome.

Therefore, be proactive in getting help now. There is a lot you, as a parent can learn and implement that will make a significant impact on your child's behavior. There are new things you can always learn...don't hesitate to get the extra parenting help you might need. Check out My Out of Control Child by Mark Hutten which works specifically with ODD kids. You won't be disappointed.

Strong Willed Children - 7 Helpful Tips

2009-06-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

Do you have a difficult or strong willed child? Do they constantly challenge your rules, question your actions and in general, push your buttons? Are you mentally and emotionally exhausted all the time from the constant attention you give to dealing with their behaviors? Are you frustrated and feel like NOTHING YOU TRY WORKS? If so, you are not alone, but you do need help!

There is no doubt, your job as a parent is no walk in the park. Let me encourage you and give you some tips that may help.

Tip #1- Don't give up.

Your child needs you weather they know it or not. Determine in your mind that you will work with your child no matter how tired, hopeless or frustrated you are. Commit to this. This commitment most likely will involve you taking action to learn new and different ways of parenting your child. If everything you have tried has not worked, it simply means you need to learn what will work. And you can learn this. There are answers, and there are PROVEN methods that will make a difference. My favorite author on this subject is Mark Hutten and he shares what he has learned over the course of 20 years in My Out of Control Child and My Out of Control Teen program.

Tip #2- Seek out help.

The first step here may be in educating yourself. If what you are currently doing is not working, then you need to actively seek out new methods for dealing with your child. Parenting is a course in continuing education....the learning and growing never stops. Another benefit of Mark Hutten's program is that he has an Online Parent Support Group and you can email him directly and work with him one on one, from the comfort of your own home, and get specific answers for the problems you are dealing with.

Tip #3- Be Consistent in your Discipline.

Let your NO be NO 100% of the time. They will naturally challenge you to see if you really will do what you said you would do. This is hard to do, I know. However, the payoff is worth it. If children learn that they can get what they want by pushing you, they will. However, if they learn that you mean what you say, they will eventually stop trying. They become programed to your behavior.

Tip #4- Don't Yell.

Yelling doesn't help, and it teaches them to yell. You can have a stern voice that alerts them that there is a problem, but it does not require yelling. If you yell, you are simply teaching them that it is okay to yell when they want to express their emotions. Again, children live what they learn.

Tip #5- Ignore Tantrums if possible.

If you have a child who throws tantrums, I suggest putting them in a safe, yet isolated place (like their room) and walk away. Ignore the behavior, while not allowing it to ruin whatever is going on with the rest of the family. Remember, negative attention is still attention.

If you have a teenager who does this, I would listen to them completely, showing no emotional response AT ALL. Then, when they are finished, simply sum up what they said, insert the word "And", restate your answer that caused the outburst, then excuse yourself from the conversation.

The result: you listened, you restated what they said so they knew you heard them, you stuck with your answer, and then left the situation so as not to enter into an argument or yelling match.

Tip #6- Make a reward chart to catch them being good.

If you know your child, you know what motivates them- a new toy, an ice cream, going to the movies, whatever. Create a reward chart and place a sticker on it whenever you catch them being good. After "x" amount of stickers, give them the reward.

Tip #7- Make sure your child knows the rules and the consequences.

Repeating your expectations and then having them repeat them, back to you in their own words is a great way to do this. It also solves the problem of them using the excuse of "I didn't know!"

In conclusion, parenting a strong-willed, difficult, behavior defiant or out of control child or teenager is hard. There are always new things you can learn and implement to help get things back under control in your family. You simply have to be willing to take that step and invest in your child and their future.

I hope these tips get you going in the right direction!

With a smile~ Tina

"My Out of Control Teen" - Online Parent Support

2009-05-26T14:44:00.000-07:00

Out of Control Teen? Behavior Defiant Child?
Find REAL help, that WILL make a difference.

If things with your teenager have pushed you to the point of looking online for help, then you have probably tried everything you could think of to do. You have probably been dealing with a child who loses his temper, lies, argues with adults, breaks rules repeatedly, and has no respect for you. Everything you have tried to date has had little or no effect and now you do not know what to do. What you need are some new ideas and strategies for dealing with your child. Perhaps some unconventional ideas from an authority on dealing with kids will be just the answer you are looking for. Help can be found, and quickly.

I have found one such authority online who offers a wonderful, comprehensive program that is sure to give you the help you need. The program includes an e-book as well as an Online Parenting Group that offers advice and support to help you through each difficulty you face. The author of this program offers non-traditional parenting advice from years of hands on experience. His e-book shares over 150 techniques for dealing with a difficult teen that show results quickly.

There is help for you in dealing with a behavior defiant, out of control teen. You do not necessarily have to go into counseling, or take parenting classes. However, you do need to learn some new strategies and techniques for effectively dealing with your teen. Once you have developed some of these skills, things will start looking up. Stress will go down, and your family will find some happy times once again.

Rebellious Teenagers – 1 Thing to Do as a Parent

2009-05-24T23:24:00.000-07:00

If you are the parent of a teenager, I am sure you have felt your emotions pulled every which way you can think of, all within a day even. Teenagers are intricate people, who, with one misstep, could blow up in your face, leaving you speechless. Teens can challenge our patience to know end.... In addition, if you are the parent of a rebellious teen, your job is probably even more trying. So what can you do as a parent, to really help a difficult teen? I think the most important quality you can have is relentlessness. Do not ever give up on them, on helping them, standing by them, or on parenting them. If you do, who else will they have?

As parents, our job is to love our children unconditionally as we guide them through childhood and into adulthood. No matter how much they test us, fight us, argue with, ignore us or rebel, we must be persistent as parents. There will always be those difficult days…the days when we are exhausted, frustrated, disappointed and overwhelmed, but every day ends and a new one follows. Keep that in mind. Time is not infinite. There is always an end. Be unrelenting.

So how can you be relentless as a parent? A few things that come to mind are to stay active and involved in their life, pursue them and show attentiveness in what interests them. Attend any events they may have, or accept and participate in any of their leisurely activities that you can. For instance, if you have a child who likes to ride skateboards, go and watch them at the skate park, get to know their friends, maybe attend a professional event with them, like the Dew Tour. Whatever it is they are currently passionate about, get interested in too. Also, be sure to let your teen know that you will always be there for them and that you are always available to listen.

Another part of being relentless is choosing to never give up. No matter how hard a situation gets, be willing to find the help you need. It is imperative that you remain willing to continue reaching out, to keep trying, and to keep learning. It is then, that you will remain close to your child, even through those rebellious teenage years.

Talking with your Teenager

2009-04-29T10:05:00.000-07:00

Let’s face it; communication is a hard thing to do sometimes, especially if things are uncomfortable in any way. In addition, if you have a teenager, there are bound to be things that are uncomfortable between you, just based on the sheer fact that they are teens. However, if you want to keep a good relationship with your teen, then keeping the lines of communication open is a good first step.

Your goal in communicating with your teenager is to be heard. If they feel angry or defensive, they will not be able to hear you. It is at that point that all ability for sharing and relating is gone. Therefore, it is imperative to have a plan or a set of guidelines if you will, before you try to talk with your teen.

Let me share 6 good things you should keep in mind before talking with your teen.

1. Use words they understand. Speak at their level. They don’t want to feel stupid for not quite understanding what you are saying.

2. Talk to them as if they are adults, rather than children. If you do this, you will be communicating on common ground and they will respond to that.

3. Offer advice rather than telling them what to do. Teenagers need the balance of knowing you care, but also that you understand their need to make decisions for themselves at times. Keep in mind too, that even if they don’t take your advice initially, it does not mean they will not later. If you communicate positively with them, your words will have an impact for a long time to come.

4. Offer positive feedback. It’s so easy to see and point out the negative things, but it takes a skilled and self-controlled person to look for the positive and point that out instead. Genuine praise will go a long way with anyone, and especially your child.

5. Ask them questions that reflect an interest in their world. Show them you truly want to know more about what they care about, are interested in and like doing. This will then open the door for future conversations.

6. Always approach your teenager from a position of trust when bringing up sensitive topics. If they don’t feel that you trust and believe them, they are going to be less likely to open up and be honest with you. This can be really hard to do, so before approaching a hot topic with your teen, take time to mentally prepare yourself to handle things calmly, and peacefully, without causing them to get defensive.

These are simply 6 guidelines you can use when talking with your son or daughter. However, some children may be a bit more out of control, and leave you feeling lost. If that is the case, do not give up. Continue seeking guidance to learn more ways you can positively affect your relationship with your son or daughter.

Encouraging Your Child - Nurturing a Positive Relationship with your Teen

2009-04-27T14:39:00.000-07:00

Encouraging your child and Praising your Child are 2 different things. Today I would like to talk about the powerful results encouragement can have.

First, encouragement helps children believe in themselves. It gives them a form of internal gratification. That is something others can’t easily take away and will help them to find happiness in the things they do. This is a good foundation for them to grow from. We want our children to realize that their happiness is dependent on themselves, and not from what others can offer.

Praise on the other hand, is a form of external gratification that comes from outside sources. It focuses on them, their behavior or accomplishment, rather than the effort. This means it can be given or taken away by others, at anytime. This can lead our children to seek out approval from others to feel good about themselves. That message is not one we want them to learn.

Let’s look at definitions for both:
Praise- an expression of approval, to admire, commend, extol
Encouragement- the act of giving hope or support, to strengthen, giving courage or confidence

As a parent, encouraging your child will really benefit not only them, but also your relationship with them, especially if difficult times arise. For example, it is well known that the teenage years can be an especially trying time between parents and teens. If you have a good relationship and are an encouragement to your child, I believe it will help you maintain a more positive relationship through those difficult years. So let’s talk about a few ways you can encourage your child or teenager.

1. Show Confidence in your child. A very important way to do this non verbally is by giving them responsibility. It shows you trust and believe in their ability to handle that task. In addition, allowing your child to make some of their own decisions is another way.

2. Show your child that you value them for who they are, not what they do. This means pointing out positive things that are not related to an accomplishment. Likewise, showing them their value despite misbehavior.

3. Point out their strengths and acknowledge what they do well. Build upon those things and they will inherently find success and satisfaction from their own achievements.

4. Encourage independence. Offer opportunities for your child to make decisions for themselves and be satisfied with their choice, even if it was not yours.

Parenting an Out of Control Child

2009-04-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

Parenting a difficult child is a challenge every single day. We all love our children, want to be the best parents we can be, and raise healthy, well-adjusted, happy and responsible adults that are ready to go out and live happy and fulfilled lives. However, what we want, and what we find ourselves faced with can sometimes collide in a way that makes us feel hopeless. It is when you get to that point that you realize you need some help.
If this is you, I want you to be encouraged by two things:
1. You are not alone!
2. There is hope and help!

Learning is a lifelong process, as is being a parent. It stands to reason, that as parents, we should continually be growing and learning new skills to work with our children as they grow. This is undoubtedly true when faced with a child who is extremely defiant. Children do not come with training manuals or instruction booklets, hence you have plenty of things to learn. So if you are dealing with a difficult situation, its time to gain some new insights and skills to interact with your child differently.

I consider parenting as one long, on-going, continuing education class. Just as in school, the more you study and learn the better grades you will get. Consider this; when you are in school, some of the classes you take will turn out to be a lot more challenging than you thought. This means to get a good grade, you will have to work harder and study more. The same is true of parenting. Some stages with your child will be more difficult and mind boggling than others, so you will need to work harder and learn more. This is of course, only an analogy, but the same principle does apply. The more you learn, the better you will do in bringing your child back around, restoring peace and a positive environment in the home, and raising a responsible adult.

If what you are currently trying is not working, then its time for a change. Giving up is the worst possible choice a parent can make. Instead, face the difficult situation you are in, and work towards finding the changes that need to be made. Your child is precious, and a gift. You are the one that can make the difference in their lives today, and for the rest of their days.

5 Things to Avoid When Talking With Your Teen

2009-04-22T16:30:00.000-07:00

An important part of parenting a teenager is keeping the lines of communication open. When things get difficult, this is often the first thing that breaks down. In this article, I would like to offer some help to avoid that problem.

If you want to be heard by your teenager, here are 5 communication killers you want to try to avoid if at all possible.

1. Do not yell. This is the number one thing you should avoid at all costs. If you naturally yell, this will be hard, but you must prepare yourself to not do it. As soon as you do, the doors to communication will be slammed shut and it can take a very long time to open them again. A simple, but effective technique is to take at least 3 deep breaths before beginning to speak. This will help you to remain calm.

2. Do not assume the worst about a situation and then go in to talk with them about it. Your body language and tone of voice will shut down communication before you even get started. Instead, choose to not jump to any conclusions, to give them the benefit of the doubt, and to hear them out completely. You must go in with an open mind and be willing to hear what they have to say. The two keys here are “open mind” and “be willing to hear.”

3. Don’t talk over their head, but don’t try and talk to them as if you are a teenager as well. Teens need their own “thing” so if you try to emulate them or their words, they will pull away. Just talk to them at their level, in your own words.

4. If your teenager repeatedly fails to do a task you have asked, do not nag them about. Teenager’s ears close up when nagging starts. Instead, calmly enforce a consequence for not doing what you ask. Nagging them over and over about it only upsets you and them.

5. When trying to casually chat about their day, don’t use the same questions over and over. For example, instead of saying, “How was your day?” you could instead ask, “Did anything fun or unusual happen at school today?”

Parenting is a Full Time Job!

2009-04-22T15:31:00.000-07:00

Weather you are a parent of a newborn, toddler, child or teenager, one thing is for sure... it is a full time job. Your child is relying on you to help them through this maze of life, and it is your responsibility to help them grow into responsible adults who add value to the world. Sound overwhelming? Don't worry, you can do this!